The Church of Gerald

(Go back)

We, disciples of the Holy Church of Gerald, welcome some! Our Gerald-given mission is to spread the word of Gerald's conditional love throughout the world, with the help of our devout and somewhat pious disciples, tasked with converting the world to Gerald. Here, on our official website, you can find:

Good luck, safe travels on the interwebz, and may Gerald smile upon thee!

Our faith

We here at the Church of Gerald are devoted to spreading the word of Gerald's conditional love. Founded in 2022 by our chief disciple and defender of the faith, Yetch, we have welcomed a staggering 5 members (and counting) into our holy doors. By showing them the Holy Way, we have been able to make their lives temporarily better for all of 2 minutes.

Despite our clear and undying admiration of our lord Gerald, we of the Geraldian faith do not need his help to grow strong for ourselves; in fact, one aspect of our God that often surprises new members is the fact that He lets us become great without His help. Though this might seem like sloth to the average layman, the disciples of Gerald recognize it for what it truly is: apathy. For Gerald does not provide happiness, or power, or strength in battle- he only provides his conditional love to people who are deserving of it.

The Blåhaj is our only official symbol, as it is enough to signify our ideals and those of Gerald: coming to the great Ingvar Kamprad in a dream, Gerald gave him the idea for an effigy, the Blåhaj. Though ownership of one is not neccesary for induction into the faith, it is recommended for praying purposes. The fact that the Blåhaj costs money and can only be found at Ikea also reflects Gerald's way of conditional love, because it is only available to those who have money and have (a) an internet connection and address, or (b) a nearby Ikea location and means of transportation. This further ingrains His teachings into the minds of our disciples.

The Gerald-Jeremy Alliance

Although the Church of Gerald does not worship the same deity as the Church of Jeremy the Redeemer, we have allied with them to signify that, although drastically different, religions can occasionally come to tentative agreements on certain small and non-religious matters that won't interfere with marketing or business. To further raise the reputation of the Church of Gerald, we have attached a link to their official website below:

The Church of Jeremy the Redeemer

How to become a disciple

Becoming a disciple of the Church of Gerald is as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4! There's only one requirement for you to be inducted into the holiest of faiths. Simply schedule an appointment with our Chief Disciple! You can do this by Email or by Discord. Once notified, we will do our best to get you the reservation that works best for you. During an appointment, you will be asked a small list of questions like: "why do you want to join the Church of Gerald?" If the Chief Disciple finds your responses acceptable, you will recite the Holy Oath of the Disciples of the Church of Gerald, and you will become an official disciple of the Church of Gerald!